For chronically ill folks, the internet is largely non-optional. If you want to maintain relationships of any kind, they’re going to be mediated in some form by internet connected platforms and apps. Maybe it’s how unavoidable it is that’s lead to me seeing how negatively it seems to be impacting me - especially over the last couple years. As my final few weak ties seemed to dissolve, I was only really left with contact with the masses, internet communities where strangers had become increasingly reactive and narrow minded and platforms had steadily steered me toward what would make me feel like absolute shit to keep me scrolling. It was a nightmare.

At the same time, I feel incredibly lucky. My queer platonic partner and I often talk about how we were blessed to be born on the bridge. We got to see the old world that existed before the Internet utterly and completely obliterated it yet we got to grow up with the new technologies in a way that allowed us to be true digital natives. Neither older millennials nor younger zoomers can quite say the same. In the first part of this year, I leveraged everything I knew about these technologies to try to find a better relationship with them but as we move into the darker part of the year once more, I’ve shifted to finding inspiration in the past.

Today, I’m feeling inspired by my dad’s stories of his small West Virginia town on Sundays. Folks would get up, go to church, have lunch or an early dinner with family or friends, then walk around in the evenings and chat with neighbors on their porches or visit with folks who were ill. It wasn’t like that every single Sunday - life happened after all - but that was the norm that they sought to return to. I remember visiting with my grandmother before she passed in 2019 and neighbors would stop by or call to ask after her - especially on Sundays so some of it even still remains.

Which is all to say that I’m going to experiment with weekly newsletters again.

A few years ago, I spent a few months writing a weekly email update with a handful of pictures to some friends who’d volunteered for the experiment. The goal was to find a way to connect outside of the platforms I was drowning in. One person out of about ten consistently replied and chatted every few weeks and we got to know each other better. Which was proof to me that it could work but also proof that there’s not a lot of interest in it. My hope with doing it through micro.blog is that the effort to output ratio is a little more worth it for me at least.

So this will serve as the first and a template for me in the future when I’m not sure what to throw together. Whether we’ve been friends for decades or you just like what I post on Tumblr/Mastodon, you’re welcome to follow along.

Overall this week… went pretty well. We got some rain - too much really - in the beginning of the week and I absolutely loved it. On Friday, Ria and I dressed up in our costumes (Howl and Sophie from Howl’s Moving Castle) and went into Frankfort. I got to achieve a lifelong dream of walking into my favorite indie bookstore and buy whatever books I fucking felt like it. I walked out with about 9. In my quest to get off of screens more, I’ve been reading a lot more and quickly discovered a dearth of fiction and memoir/essay in my collection.

Speaking of which, I finished the Lemire run of Moon Knight this week and absolutely loved it. I think overall the plural representation is really well done and the art styles are incredibly fun. I’d genuinely recommend it to anyone who’d interested in some plural/DID rep or who just loved a good psychological superhero arc.

My work… Most of my “work” time this week was spent in Canva. I created a new daily page for myself to use in my Everbook system. Setting up each day from scratch was taking a too much energy and I wanted to have a reminder of my keystone routines since they’d started to fall by the way side. I really like the page I came up with and it’s certainly served it’s purpose this week. I also spent some time working on a planner set up for my mom. She is hemipalegic from her stroke a few years ago and has gone through a few systems that aren’t quite what she’s needed. I’m setting up a discbound system for her and designing some pages to go in it.

My important relationships… Biscuit is doing well overall. We got word a couple weeks ago that he’s got an enlarged heart which is likely the beginning stages of heart failure so he started a medication that should hopefully help him longer than he otherwise would. I don’t think it’s sunk in for us yet. We’ve been enjoying our time with him even more and the medications seem to be improving his health. Fingers crossed for a few more years with our best boy.

Ria is doing alright on the whole. She was hypomanic for a lot of August and September but has slid into more of a mixed episode than her usual depression. The tough part about her mixed episodes are that she’ll be pretty much normal until very suddenly there are big emotions. It’s been tough but I’m proud of her for doing what she can.

My health… My health has been so-so this week. I’ve been very fatigued lately so I’ve been trying really hard not to push it. I think when people read fatigued they read “really tired” but I mean proper fatigue, like laying on the bed fully clothed, too tired to get up in the middle of the day so all I can do is stare at wall for two hours level fatigued. It hasn’t been this bad in a while. I’m not totally sure why it’s gotten worse but thats ME/CFS for you.

My anxiety has also been quite bad. I get hit with wave of being convinced I have cancer and am gonna die in a few months - which nothing in my medical tests and appointments remotely suggests. I used to have this happen when I was younger (teens/early twenties) and I’m not sure why it’s back with such a vengeance. Thankfully, I have more tools to ride it out these days.

If we know each other, say hi! Feel free to reply here or send me an email - marzcorbeau@proton.me